Monday, May 17, 2010
Everything we do is question of faith. Every decision made, every step on the way it’s based on the believe that this is the right way to go. If you doubt every single step becomes harder.
Couple of years ago I made the worst thing one can do, not taking a decision. And then I went along the marked path, I started a life doubting now and then that it was the right one. For a long time I was unable to see what was wrong. The consequence of not being strong enough to do what I really wanted was hurting myself and the person who was next to me.
I started my pilgrimage in Irun, a town on the frontier between France and Spain. I was full of expectations and fears. It was a challenge of 840km and I was going to give it a try. The simple action of walking taught me some basic truths about life. I don’t pretend them to be universal I just saw things in my life under a different light.
At the beginning of the pilgrimage, going through the Basque Country, I got lost couple of times and I was worried about following the signs, the yellow arrows that mark Camino de Santiago. Every night I would read through the description of the following day’s track, I would try to remember the towns on the way. But sometimes you miss a sign and then for a while there are no more signs and you don’t know if you are on the right track. Every step might be leading you in wrong direction and you don’t know if to go back or continue.
For the first few weeks I was worried about getting lost but little by little, I found out that no map was better than the directions local people could give and my own build in GPS, as a priest I met in Guemes called it. The build in GPS is a mix of orientation and intuition, together with the certainty that there is no fixed path you are supposed to take. So if you get somewhere else than where you were supposed to get that is because it is your way to go. I started to use my GPS when I stopped worrying about things like where I was going to eat or sleep at night. Simple and difficult to do, but it made my pilgrimage a walk in the clouds. I believed.
My life was full of yellow arrows, things I was supposed to do and achieve. And in spite of my rebel nature I kept following them. I had a good job, I had a stable relationship, a nice place to live and a car. But was it really my way? Sometimes the signs on the Camino, where guiding the pilgrims along the roads while there where alternative paths along the coast. Sometimes few more kilometers made a wonderful walk along the cliffs. My life in Madrid was like walking on the right road but on one that was hurting my feed. So why did I follow it? Only because it was supposed to be the right thing to do? Or because I was too scared to risk, to worried about loosing comfort and security?
In the last few months I felt I grew up years. I let the earth disappear under my feet and I opened my wings and started a real flight. No matter what have happened I met the challenge and accepted the risks. I put an end to my “safe” life in Madrid, and I started this adventure... It didn’t turn out to be what I wanted but it is more than what I expected. I keep my faith and keep walking in the clouds, this time seeing more clearly than ever. Thanks to all of you who have been part of it, pilgrims and friends.