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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Another Storm

It’s been a month since my last post. I haven’t stopped writing. I just didn’t have time to edit the material and post it. Today I am starting a new chapter. I won’t be able to write about last month’s events in real time but I hope I can still transmit the storm I have just sailed through without major damages.

To start with, old wounds turned up when my parents visited me. I waited for them to arrive with a mixture of fear and enthusiasm. Now I was able to understand how hurt and destroyed my mother must have been after her marriage with my father. She was forced to fight for me and for herself and that's why she taught me to stand up and fight the difficulties. Sometimes she wouldn’t understand my weakness or my indecision. But she lived times when being hungry didn’t mean “I fancy a snack” and a burger was not at her reach on any corner. Maybe that’s why she didn’t have time to be paralysed by fear or to doubt about taking an opportunity. She didn’t have many so she grabbed the ones she had. I admire her for reconstructing her life from pieces and for loving us unconditionally.

Still, we don’t know how to give support to each other and there is no easy way to say I love you. Few days after they left, she called me to give her opinion as if a mother’s opinion was just that. It hurt again, but now it doesn’t matter because I know she loves me and I love her.

One of that days I went to the sea front alone and I saw the sea the colour I’ve never seen before. The surface was creased under the force of the wind and the turquoise blue interwove with silver reflections on the crests of the waves. I sat on the pebble beach and in spite of the strong wind it seemed peaceful. The seagulls were gliding over the beach. For a while they would stay motionless in the air while the gusts of the wind only slightly disturbed their flight. Then with a few effortless flaps of their wings they would move forward. The wind is their element. The same way, the sailing boats were going gently across the waves, their sails caressed by the wind that was pushing them forward. When I went sailing a few weeks ago, the simple fact that the boat can move pushed by the wind amazed me. I knew it but I haven’t felt it before.

So there I was at the end of the world, the wind defining my figure with strong blows. It is my element as well so I opened my wings but I was only learning to glide. I wasn’t ready yet to go forward. I was waiting to move on and another blow of wind was just about to come. That’s how you learn to fly, by doing it and you are at the mercy of the elements.

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